Much like the Queen 0- the kings of all the internet here at WebTV deluxe are saying goodbye today– or rather see you later. We’re coming back – like Oprah- bigger and better than ever with a new network. And since we copied off of her- we thought we’d be nice and make Oprah our last Female of the Week. There isn’t enough space to list all of the reasons and all of
her good deeds done over these last 25 years. So we won’t even try. Rock on Oprah and we’ll see you on the flip side.

In dedication to mothers day…. Here is a bunch of mama jokes.

Yo Mama So Ugly
she put the Boogie man outta business.

she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt

when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can’t believe it’s Halloween already…”

when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals’

she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

minutes after she was born her Mother shouted ‘What a treasure!” and her Poppa said “Yes, now let’s go and bury her…”

they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.

when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours….and that was just for the quote!

yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye…

she put Marilyn Manson out of business.

she was a guard at Snake Mountain

they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock…

even Harry Knowles refused to date her.

they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!

Your Mama So Fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says…’to be continued’…

she once went on a seafood diet…whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy

she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer

she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm…

small objects orbit her.

she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her…behind Mount Everest.

when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

she could be the eighth continent.

Yo Mama So Stupid
I told her drinks were on the house…so she went and got a ladder…

she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading ‘Wet Floor’…so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, “Wow, it comes with cable too!”

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund…

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she’s been using my computer – white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies…

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can’t remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

Yo Moma So Poor
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

they put her photo on food stamps.

when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

burglars break into her home and leave money.

when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

the building society repossed her cardboard box.

she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk’s fingers

she can’t even afford to go to the free clinic.

when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing….’Moving’ she replied.

I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

when I rang her doorbell, SHE said ‘Ding-Dong’

I asked her where the ‘facilities were’ and she replied – “Pick a corner…ANY corner…”

I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed – “Who’s tearing down the drapes!!!!”

I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said “Sure thing, it’s 4th tree on your right…”

only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted…

when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered – “Lost a shoe?”, and she said – “Nope…just found one…”

she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley….with a box on it…

she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

I went into her ‘living room’, stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted – “Oi, who turned off the heater!”

I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying – “Who knocked???”

I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule – “Don’t use the good china”

This week, Web TV finally decided to make the hottie from Desperate Housewives the female of the week. Out of the blue, Eva Longoria has been making her mark in the media. From having a controversial break up with San Antonio Spurs star Tony Parker to paparazzi covering her serious romantic endeavors with Penelope’s broski Eduardo Cruz — Eva is still an interest in a gossip columnist eye. After being MIA from the big screen for 3 years, the former soap star lands three leads. Look for her in theaters in 2011 and 2012.

There is no one in the planet more deserving to earn the title of Web TV Deluxe’s female of the week than April O’Neal. Ms. O’Neal without a doubt is an inspiration to the people working in the TV News industry today. Arguably, April is the hardest working person the biz. Not only she can anchor an hour long news show, she also reports and meets her deadlines for her story. April impresses her executive producer everyday with her intelligent writing, extensive research and beautiful stand ups. It’s always a pleasure for April’s camera person and video editor to work with O’Neal’s one of a kind talent due to her friendly, fun, and unique personality. When April is not reporting the news, she gives back to the community by fighting crime. Our salute goes out to you April O’Neal!!!!

And Britany’s hitting the road. But her big announcement was a bust and so was her comeback performance. It’s like, lip sync and dance OR sing and don’t dance. But Brit didn’t sing, and nope she didn’t dance either. She looked kind of hot, but not hot enough for Enrique Iglesias. Right after Brit’s announcement that they are touring together (weird combo anyway) and the press release went out- it was retracted. Enrique who sold out MSG last month and is currently on his own tour in Europe has stayed quiet about it. Will Brit hold it against him? Well, we’ll see how well her solo ticket sales go next week. Word is she wants Nikki Minaj as her opening act. Now that would be a lot of pink. And MTV is reporting that Jersey Shore cast member DJ Pauly D might be spinning at the top of Spears’ show (they share a manager). Now that would be a lot of hair spray. Maybe Brit can learn to sing and fist pump. At least she’d be doing something out there on stage.

She fought pirates, battled with knights and kicked the sh*t out of a soccer ball, this week we give props to The British Actress Kiera Knightley. Without a doubt this London, England native always embraced our presence with her gorgeous looks, killer body, and her salacious voice. But her charity work always brought more sexiness in her persona. Kiera recently participated in Red Nose Day which was a fundraising event organized by Comic Relief. She also became a patron of The SMA Trust, a UK based charity that funds medical research into the children’s disease Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Ms. Knightley is also known to be media friendly which is huge for Web TV DeLuXe. From the big screen to the small screen, Kiera always captured our eyes. With that said check out her new commercial for Chanel Cock Mademoiselle. I’d say she had us at hello but she didn’t even utter a word. I also still don’t get the fact that she doesn’t bathe. We need a smell test!

All we can say about Rick Fox is….. You lucky son of a b*tch! Eliza Dushku is in fact a female goddess. And this week, we give our salute to the bad a$$ cheerleader from Bring it On!
From Buffy The Vampire Slayer to Doll House –the Massachusetts native forever symbolizes sexiness in the small and big screen. But it’s not just her acting talents or her gorgeous figure that got us our attention. Eliza Dushku raised $30,000 by her 30th birthday to build a recovery center for former child soldiers in Uganda. We know it’s a little late to mention this good deed for a non profit organization…. However, it’s better now or never to give kudos to one of our favorite female celebrity. There are also rumors flying around that Ms. Dushku will be playing a role in the 3rd installment of Ghostbusters if it does happened. FYI Eliza! Web TV DeLuXe’s Alvin Rueda ran into you at The Crown Bar in September of 2010.

Good old WebTV DeLuXe feels like being controversial this weekend. On that note, our salute goes to a female who most people loathe. Whether you love or hate MTV’s Jersey Shore — the guido and guidette reality show consumes high ratings. The controversial show has gotten so popular that every cast member is all over the media including talk shows, magazine covers, award ceremonies and red carpets. However, this one chick left that spotlight! Not once, but twice!!! So in our eyes Angelina Pivarnick deserves some props. Did Angelina leave because she couldn’t stand her cast mates? Or did she skidaddle because she really wants to be with people who truly matters to her? Despite all the fiasco and drama she dealt with in The Jersey Shore and Miami, Angelina knew the kind of stardom she left behind. From a failed music career to being absent from the 3rd season of The Shore — what else can this guidette possibly do? The answer is professional wrestling. Angelina made her debut in TNA Wrestling alongside Jersey Shore rip off characters Cookie and Robbie E. Angelina played a heel which means a bad guy in wrestling and challenged her former cast mate J-Woww to a match. She also had a brawl with some knockouts called The Beautiful People. I must say, she would do well as a female wrestler because she knows how to talk the talk and be a b*tch. Angelina seems like she can play the crowd and receive a lot heat as well. That’s always a good role for a bad guy. We’ll just have to wait and see if this Staten Island princess signs a contract with the company. All she needs to learn now is to wrestle. Can you smell what The Shore is cooking?!?!?!

The fellas here at WebTV DeLuXe are contemplating on a humanoid deserving to earn the title of female of the week. Even though a lot of gorgeous young beautiful ladies are considered, one female actually comes to mind who is literally out of this world. So this weekend we decided to choose an actress who will play the iconic female super hero in David E. Kelley’s Wonder Woman TV pilot. Adrianne Palicki is known for her role as Tyra Collette on the NBC television series Friday Night Lights. This Ohio native is a prime example of what actresses’ have to go through just to land a decent role in the land of make believe. Adrianne’s work have been seen from recurring roles in South Beach to single roles in Supernatural, Smallville and CSI. The home coming Queen runner up for Whitmer High School was also seen in the 2010 fantasy thriller Legion. We have to give credit where credit’s due because this chicka just keeps on working. She’s even doing voice overs for Family Guy and Robot Chicken. I mean the 27-year-old ranked #79 on the Maxim magazine Hot 100 of the 2007 list. Just making the list deserves high honors. But now all eyes are on this blonde beauty who will probably have dark hair when the pilot roles around. Ms. Palicki will be criticize not only by her peers in Hollywood, but also by fan boys from all around the world. Once these nerds and highly opinionated peeps give Adirianne’s work a negative feed back, there is no going back. It’s going to be tough to be the pilot of an invisible jet, an expert in whipping a super lasso, and filling the red and white boots of Wonder Woman. For now good luck to ya! You are Web TV Deluxe’s female of the week.

As The 2011 Grammy’s comes to a close — there is one female who comes to mind when earning Web TV DeluXe’s female of the week. This week the golden make believe trophy goes to Lady Gaga! The American pop singer-songwriter was extremely impressive in The 53rd Grammy Awards. The former NYU student arrived in style by being in an egg and was actually re-born on stage during her performance. Gaga crawled out of the egg before singing “Born this Way.” The New Yorker also took the prize of Best Female Pop Vocal Performance and Best Pop Vocal Album. Here is a fun fact — Gaga in Tagalog means B*tch. Lady Gaga must know that.